I have 3 ‘fathers’ - Kim, Dad and God!

Let me explain - my biological dad left before I was born. Mum already had two girls to a previous marriage. She was left to raise us alone & took us to a farm promising community support. It turned out in many ways to be a cult. Needless to say it wasn't very nice - and I hated nearly every minute of it.

I blamed my unknown father, the cult - and my mother for what I went through & what I felt. I also developed a deep belief that there was no god or at least if there was one - he/she was a total mongrel to allow certain things to go on. Anyway - these beliefs, attitudes & victim mentality fast developed into a full-blown rebellion against authority & all things 'right'

I started doing everything I could that was bad - and got into some very bad habits. Now my mother and step dad both knew God and saw what I was doing to myself. I would rarely come home before 4am & when I did I was not in good shape if you know what I mean. Drugs & alcohol had firm grip on me. I now know why they were often awake when I returned - they were asking god to protect me. And boy I can tell you a few stories about miraculous things that happened - I should be dead over & over & over. Of course I had no concept of god existing let alone caring.

For years they loved & supported me but eventually asked me to leave. I hated my mum for this at the time but now know that by asking me to leave they saved my life.

For years they would try to keep contact & visit me. they would come into my house - set up like a pub, walls covered with pornographic material & slogans against the police etc and visit me.

Well, as can be expected with my lifestyle & background I eventually decided to kill myself. I had everything I wanted drugs, alcohol, girls, money etc - but I hated life. So I left on a trip to end my life in peace. But yet again my mum was praying. To cut a long & very interesting story short, God (my 3rd Father) grabbed my attention, prooved He was real and showed me He cared. He saved me from death and drugs & alcohol instantly. He healed by back. And He helped me start to work on relationships that I had neglected and damaged for years. Jesus Christ set me Free!

I'm not trying to say that everything is perfect or that everything that has happened between me & my 3 dads is just water under the bridge - but it was a start.

I called him Kim
I had only met my biological father once - when about 20 years old. We went to the pub & got magot. He looked the same as me but there was no ‘click’ or anything - just someone to get on the drink with for one night. I don’t think we caught up again until after God saved my life. I went to see him to tell him about Jesus. He wasn’t really receptive & later phoned me to say that he never wanted a son & still didn’t. No skin off my nose...so I thought. When I was about to get married I wanted him there. It was weird I had never known him or cared but I somehow wanted him around. I eventually thought I’d I call him & see if he wants to come. He told me he didn’t want me to phone ever again. That was around 5 years ago so he is unknown to my kids - and I am unknown to his parents etc as far as I know. Part of me must be sad about this - but I think it is really only the things I missed out on that affect me. I see what my boys get from me & can see just how different things would have been for me...

I call him Dad!
My step father appeared when I was about 10. He always tried to be my dad. I longed for something (probably fun - I had no idea what having a dad meant) but reared up against any show of authority. It must have been hard for him as I was really quite messed up. He had his own problems from the past & I felt under pressure to be the right ‘type’ of son. But I wasn’t. But he tried & tried - over & over. Looking back I can see so many things (even with my poor memory), but at the time they meant very little to me. I was repressed & angry, sad & lonely, scared & determined to get on top no matter what. Now we have a fairly good relationship. I enjoy his company (which is unusual for me) and respect his opinions etc. I love seeing him interact with my kids as their grandad. God has used dad to show me love and help reverse the cycle that would have ultimately ended in my kids being fatherless too.



I call Him Jesus!
Well where to start...My memory only really gives me tiny snippets of the past...from the cult being told to ask something from god & work towards it. Mine was to ride in motor-cross by a certain age. It never happened. It’s about the only thing I remember apart from a video of a huge fireball dancing around on people’s heads as they prayed. I hated church and was forced to go so made the most of it by turning my attention to the girls. I did lots & lots of bad things...ended up dealing & stealing quite a bit. I remember having a deep seated hatred of anyone to do with ‘god’ though never really thought about why.

I remember abusing one guy trying to give me a ticket to heaven in Northbridge while out - people around me were embarrassed. I was a bit surprised myself. I also remember a time tripping and heaps of really freaky things were going on (and I mean a lot worse than the normal T) - it was so weird I just had to get away from everyone in the house. I went out the front for some quiet. There was a storm on & it was great. Then I had this thought about a ‘god’ (someone had just thought they were Jesus & tried to walk over the pool..no one heard her fall in as there was heaps of screaming as someone else had just smashed a window...you get the picture). I said to myself “yer right a god’ - “alright ‘god’ if you’re there make a big thunder so I know” . I loved storms & lightning. I was scared by anything especially in that state. But I tell you I nearly ran inside after a few seconds - I thought I had been hit by lightning! I have seen lightning strike less than 50m from where I was standing and that was worse. Of course I never thought about it afterwards or would entertain the thought of there being a god - that was just co incidence :) Then there were about 10 times when I had demonic experiences & carefully rid myself of those memories too.

Then in 2000 I decided to end my life - I’d achieved all I wanted & nothing meant anything. I had nothing left to gain, my back was stuffed & couldn’t quite drugs etc so dying was easy. But amazingly Jesus showed up & showed me the real reason I was addicted and showed me the remedy. Him. - Father God who Created me, knew what I needed to be fulfilled - fancy that! I still have trouble relating to Him as Father which is why I call him Jesus. I have times when I can and times when it is just too hard.

We are born with a longing in us for a number of things (connection with God, Protection & Admiration of our parents etc) - and we are shown the character of God by the actions of our parents. So if you, like me, have been shown a false image of the Almighty - you may find it hard to accept or interact with Him...but He is patient & knows just how to help. It doesn’t mean He doesn’t exist, doesn’t care or wanted those things to happen. He feels your pain and can free you from it!

This Fathers Day I hope to spend time with Father God & Dad and will pray for Kim. Why don’t you do the same?